In tomorrow’s news, a water spaniel will fart at a chipmunk and make him sore. A puma will unnerve a chihuahua to such an extent its piss will freeze before hitting the curb. A mountaineer named Jibbock McThreadwell will suffer an unfortunate accident to his tibia and will insist upon a larger portion of beef than Mrs. McThreadwell had apportioned, and so Susan will go without any. And Peabody will rescue an old lover from a fête worse than debt.